It is so fluid, has always been this way. When I try to become a rock solid, slowly I realize that I start sinking. So as I try to stay afloat, spread my arms and swim, again, I find myself fluid. I know not where I want to go, neither do I have any control over where I am going, like I said- I am just fluid this way.
To be happy is an option you take, BOLDLY!
The choice of happiness is yours and no one can take it better than you.